Valentines Day Resolution – How to keep the one you got?

If you have followed “Dayal’s Theory of unequal spouses”, then the odds are that you already have the ideal partner most suited for you. If you did not follow the theory and have the life partner that is not perfect for you – all is not lost! In either case, comes the very difficult task of “how do you keep what you got”. In this article, I will attempt to articulate just that!

Disclaimer

I do not profess to be a certified life coach and my personal experience is limited to only one woman for only twenty three very short years. This lack of training and experience makes me the perfect expert in relationships! Therefore, have no fear, just follow the following advice:

Advice 1: Find someone

In order to keep the one you got, you need to first find someone first! Dayal’s theory of unequal spouses is a great source of inspiration to find that somebody. In a gist, if you are the intellectual, arty-farty type of man, you must have found your soul mate dancing the pole at the nearest gentlemen’s club (and you always wondered – we lived so close and never met each other!). If you are the hard drinking party going up and about lady, you will find your soul mate at the existentialist section of your local library!

Once you have found your soul mate, you need to proceed to Adivce 2: find out why?

Advice 2: Find out why?

This is the most important step in keeping the one you got. Find out what attracted your soul mate to you. In some cases this is very simple because the answer is obvious! For example in my case, I know that my wife was attracted to me because of my body! After all who can resist this perfect barrel stomach and six pack chest? Anyway I digress.

To find the answer to the reason for the attraction follow the following steps.

  1. Look in the mirror and see if the face can launch a thousand ships, then you have the answer. Congratulations you are the beauty kind, Mr. Brad Pitt, you can go to Advice 3.
  2. Look at your bank balance. If your bank balance can fund a manned project to the moon, then you have the answer. You are the rich kind. Congratulations Mr. Gates, you too can proceed directly to Advice 3.
  3. Look at the number of people waiting to seek your audience. If there is one or more person hiding in your bushed to ask you a question about the economy or world peace and you are not a member of Andrew Kennedy Foundation, then you are the powerful kind. Congratulations Senator Edwards you can proceed directly to Advice 3.
  4. If you are still following the steps, then you have nothing to fear, your soul mate just has poor taste. As long as the soul mate stays in the state of poor taste and judgment you are fine! Simply proceed to advice 3.

Advice 3: Maintain Status Quo

Once you have found out what attracted your soul mate to you, all you have to do is enhance the trait!

  • If you were the beauty kind, continue to get your plastic surgery, the Botox and breast enlargements (ladies, you can get them too!).
  • If you were the rich kind, continue make more money. Donate generously in your spouse’s name – especially to good causes like “feed the lazy” and “eradicate the homeless”.
  • If you are the political kind, then why do you want to keep what you got? All you have to do is keep everyone on the low profile. Once in a while, take a trip to Argentina and any children can always be blamed on your assistants!
  • If you don’t have any of the above traits, then as explained earlier, your soul mate has poor taste and bad judgment. As long as your mate does not realize his or her mistake you are fine!

Advice 4: Do something romantic

I’m still stuck on that one! Roses – too prickly, Chocolate – too fattening, Dinner – too expensive, Dance – what’s that? Hold tight while I think hard and come up to a solution to this problem. In the meantime, don’t do anything that I wouldn’t.

Have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

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